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This week...
  • Christmas threatened
  • White prepares for finals
  • Al Gore still an asshole, survey says
Poll
What do you want for Christmas?
nbspnbspnbspA) A Ferarri
nbspnbspnbspB) One Million Dollars!
nbspnbspnbspC) My two front teeth
nbspnbspnbspD) Jenny McCarthy
Creators' Bios
News

Blizzard hits North Pole, Christmas Threatened

Mutant Reindeer to Lead Santa's Sleigh

By: Don White

North Pole -- A freak blizzard has prevented all travel to and from the North Pole, Hector Elizondo, chief meteorologist for Santa Claus, Inc., said today.

"This is the worst storm I've seen in 30 years," he said. "But, we have a plan."

The blizzard, part of a large storm system affecting the Hudson Bay region of Canada, is not expected to dissipate until Thursday. All flights into and out of North Pole International Airport have been cancelled.

Santa Claus, who makes his yearly trip around the world on December 24-25, said he will be relying on the mutant reindeer Rudolph for navigation. Rudolph, son of Santa Claus, Inc., Reindeer and Senior Vice President Donner, was born with a large, red light bulb instead of a nose.

"Rudolph with your nose so bright, Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" he said in a press conference Friday.

Sally Hearne, 9, was promised a dolly by Claus and hopes the trip will be successful.

"I want a dolly," she said.

Hearne's parents have promised to file a lawsuit in North Pole Federal Court if the doll is not delivered as promised.
Sports

Bush, left, and Cheney celebrate at a post-game news conference

Bush/Cheney beats Gore/Lieberman, 24-21

By: Don White

Miami, FL -- Presidential-candidate Governor George W. Bush connected with former Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney in the corner of the end zone to give Bush/Cheney a 24-21 win over Vice President Al Gore and Senator Joseph Lieberman on Saturday in the FedEx Orange Bowl in Miami. The win clinches a National Championship for Bush/Cheney.

Bush finished the game 36-for-50 for 299 yards and 2 touchdowns.

"He [Cheney] broke coverage and sprinted for the corner of the end zone," he said. "I just lofted the pass over the defenders head, and Dick came down with it."

Gore/Lieberman led the Governor and Secretary with 30 seconds to go after a blocked Bush field goal was run back for a touchdown by Lieberman. Cheney received the kickoff on his own 14 and make a 5 yard return before being tackled by Senate Minority Leader Tom DeLay. Bush then threw a strike to Oklahoma Congressman Steve Largent for a 30 yard gain. Running back Colin Powell took the inside handoff 20 yards to put the Bush/Cheney team within striking distance.

Secretary Cheney's touchdown reception was his 9th on the year. He finished the game with 10 receptions for 108 yards.